kissing googlers

To the girl (am pretty sure it’s a girl, why’d a guy search thus. Oh, maybe he would since the girl is not doing so…. hmm.) who fell upon my ‘Munchies’ post on googling

should a girl kiss the boys upper lip?”

The long answer: Just like we’d share everything with this other person from toothbrushes to secrets to ice cream to bed to passwords to keys, this whole kissing thing is a two way street too. You share. Lips.

Breaking it down:

1. His upper lip, her lower lip

2. His lower lip, her upper lip

For the most part, the girls are left no choice but to work the 1st method.

There’s also the:

no-choice 1: His Upper lip and Her Upper lip and no-choice 2: His Lower lip and Her Lower lip,

which let me tell you, folks have tried with very unsuccessful and messy results!

So leaving the 2nd messy set out of the equation, why are girls left with no choice but have to deal with that upper lip? The reason being invariably the guy’s already thought this over a million times and he has the whole plan waiting to execute. Especially if it’s his first time. Kissing’s under-rated, frankly. There’s a whole procedure to it as I was made to watch in this show (There are parts 1, 2, and so on so check ’em out, quite amusing! Part 4 has the whole trying out the kiss part.) on Disney or was it Nick (I forget which anyways.. ) last evening. It was quite entertaining in a very informative way. More on how not to kiss than the perfect kiss. Which helps so at least you know there could only be this many ways to mess up, but then again, we are a creative lot. Boundaries of mess-up-ville forever expand with pioneers daily added. Go us!

So yes, going back to the mechanics of kissing, as I have been told in various situations and mediums, the male gender obsesses about everything that has got to do with ‘sex’ . Kissing is part of it. More like a ‘sriganesh’ – I know, not the perfect metaphor, but I shall use it anyway. As I mentioned earlier, since the boys have already rehearsed the whole process a million times in their rooms and other places – alone, they are pretty much rearing to go once the opportunity presents itself. Opportunity is of course having a willing female participant.

Though it might just seem simple to kiss, there are whole lot of factors involved, the combination of which helps or ruins it all.

The hands (what do you do with those?) the chin, the nose (those aquiline sharp noses folks love: look good only in Mughal movies and portraits, the stubbier the better, I’d imagine), then there’s the angle of approach (geometry helps, if you didn’t ace it in high school, chances are you are going to widen the angles formed by your face at the lips and thereby produce lots of overlapping of skin, and not the kind you want), the tilt or the bending by the participants to achieve contact and ultimately, the quintessential tongue. Let’s not even go there. That’s kissing 202. If one is googling on asking if the upper lip was safe territory, then we talking basics.

Coming back to your question. I am not sure about you, but I’d ask to google one more which is o so relevant to how you’d want to go about this.

As boys start becoming men, their claim to fame is the appearance of facial hair. Some take pride in it, some try as hard to make it look like the juniper hedges lining the lawns, but ultimately look like scraggly seaweed as garnish on an otherwise appetizing main dish. This upper lip with a growth of this hair we speak about on boys or men who want to continue to assert themselves, or think cool, will pose a problem. Never mind the fineness or the lack of it, it simply is in the way. Kissing the upper lip, or whatever else you want to do with it simply involves taking into consideration navigating the bristles. It’s an added challenge. Some women like it too, I am told.

Let’s say you get lucky, and the clean-shaven dude is in your stars, then the choices widen. This is when the lower lip starts to look appealing. It always is, no matter the gender, why else would the guys make a beeline for it? Upper lips are usually thin, unless your name is Angelina Jolie or Goldie Hawn or your capability to get botox shots. So the target is almost always the lower lip. Upper lips just hang in there like roofs, like a side artist providing visual interest, without which the lower lip might look orphaned. I mentioned earlier, that with both parties wanting the lower lip, it creates an annoying, messy and ridiculous situation, where the fight’s always on who has the lower hand (read: lip). No fun there.

Sharing’s good. So share, don’t hog, and work it. Dead fish are no role models. Be alive, and yes, you may nibble and kiss. Bite? Nah, not yet. Whatever you do, do not grab both lips at the same time. That’s just so wrong.

The short answer: Depends. The early bird in this case gets the worm er.. lower lip.

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26 thoughts on “kissing googlers

  1. But I don’t share my toothbrush or passwords with this other person. And I share my ice cream only when I’m done with it. Does this make me a bad kisser?

  2. Just loved this post Rads :). Bless the soul fell upon ‘Munchies’.

    Upper lips just hang in there like roofs, like a side artist providing visual interest, without which the lower lip might look orphaned. Lovely one :)

  3. Holy crap..

    I didn’t know there was a science behind this. Thanks for the kissing 101. I have safely bookmarked it. Now to find a willing participant..

  4. Swen: This is just the beginning. Good luck on the search :p

    Praveen: The munchies post it is! :)

    terri: You and I fall under the minority category. Much like the Ph.D’s who know more and more of something so miniscule no one really cares about it.

  5. sigh…just got in to work, and chanced upon this. have to find the said willing participant now.

    oh btw, did you see the “realted posts” ? :D

  6. Woah! You seem to be a repository of all sorts of knowledge. Please accept me under your tutelage.

    @Presti: “…since the boys have already rehearsed the whole process a million times in their rooms and other places…” What now?!?!

    Dude, just out of curiosity, who did you practice on in your room? ;)

  7. ahahaha@scraggly seaweed. sooper post Rads! two other factors involved…time & location! :D

    ps:would tonsil hockey be covered in 202 or is it available only at grad level! :P

  8. wow! Kissing for Dummies :)

    and …

    “…since the boys have already rehearsed the whole process a million times in their rooms and other places…”

    so have girls …..

    “… with all the Mills and Boons :) “

  9. Pilgrim: True, but we are suckers for tdh knights in shining armor sorts of scenarios. The details of kissing, I believe boys win hands-down.
    Or maybe I am wrong. Not a single girl’s gonna comment apart from WT, so I guess this post will die without knowing. *sigh

    wickedT: Maybe I should consider a guest blogger for the 202? Wanna try? :)

    baph: Me? You kidding me right? You’ve heard of the saying “all bark, no bite”? That’s me. Really. :)

    Zep: hehe, and it’s a Monday too! :D
    Saw them, definitely nsfw?

  10. I think I’m weird. I actually like upper lips. There’s some really good stuff you can do with kissing those. *goes into deep thought* Yep, definitely. I’d like to have the upper lip for a while.

  11. Rads, good one. Btw,don’t know which guys you’ve talked to before writing this post, but they seem to have done a number on you. Please do a poll: you’ll find that we spend so much time thinking about the main course that we hardly have any brain cycles left for the appetizers.

  12. BPSK: This is just me picking up cues along the way. One usually starts with appetizers and end with desserts. :p

    Schmetterling: Thank you! I was hoping one of your girls would walk in and provide some input. i was just bravely and blindly sploshing around.. :)

  13. Pilgrim, I don’t think girls really rehearse with Mills and Boons. More often than not, Mills and Boons talk more about the hardwood down there than sensual kissing :-)

    @rads: I’m still recovering from upper lip kissing ;)

  14. Obviously you don’t the technique.

    fyi, the spiderman movie became famous for the scene were Ms. Drenched Dunst, kisses Mr. Upsidedown Spiderman. The scene is very important because, in the first time in recorded history, both the girl and guy kiss the upper lip.

  15. Pingback: what?! « tunneling thru’

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