Fables: Lost and Found

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I used to write fables. Not the Aesop kind, not at all. He has probably turned a few thousand times in his grave every time Ive referred to one of my flights of fancies in the creative, and occasionally dark moods that brought forth some intense feelings to this blog.

They were funny, sad, reminiscing, pensive, daring and full of chutzpah. I even had a separate space called Cesmots.com – meaning: These words. It was a beautiful home, full of pride and class. I took so much pride in it and the few readers who flocked, they did with loyalty. Each resonated with a different bunch, and it was a joy to see the connection.

Then life happened, and I had to shut it down, coz I wasn’t writing much and the site cost money.

I have most saved I think. One day they will find their way out and outside of this ether, and perhaps they will dance in black and white. Maybe they won’t. One can dream and work hard towards a goal, and all we can be sure is the sweat and the tears and the little victories, but the final goal is always intangible. Yes, of course there is faith, if not the way is painful and ridden with potholes. ..and despite the fact that most of us have varying degrees of masochism in us, most well meant paths are pleasant on hindsight.

Hindsight is 20/20 and every time we decide to quit or reach a dead end, all we have to do is look back and then on turning around, the way is cleared, just a bit more and so we skip on.

That said, despite being a busy day, I dug up the archives and remembered one particular one I had written way back in 2008.

A Suitable Moment. 

Any old timers around, who recognize this one? Most who commented on that piece are still around, in their personal orbs :)

Life suddenly feels like a fable.

It feels like fables must come back. They were a crutch back then, and maybe now, they would prop me up. The familiarity of one’s words and the comfort they offer.

***

One of the hardest things in life is to let go of what we thought was real.

All things heart of course, but in the head and in tangibles too.

It feels like homecoming though. I was meant to write those again. I can already feel my fingers itch with excitement. Joy.

Celebrate Love

I asked, via my newsletter and boy, did I receive?!

I asked what your favorite love story, line, quote or experience with love as your emotion and experience and I got enough and plenty that I had to go tile them up and make them all pretty to look at too, not just the words but even how they looked while you read them :-)

So, without further chatter, here they are!

1. A dear reader and a friend from the real world sent me this and made my day and I smiled,  happily, tad self-consciously to hear such praise and thank God I get some reminders! Thanks SG!

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2. This is also from another dear friend, AN, who emailed that he liked the newsletter and that this was his favorite. Guess what, it’s my favorite too! I can’t tire reading it, and most likely will read it this month. :-)

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3. Sammy sent me this. Sweet sweet thing I met a couple of years ago, we met via blogs, and romance is so high in her life considering she is a newly wed and all that, but hey, Alai Payuthey is an amazingly romantic sweet and lovely movie and the actors are adorable as are the sequences of love and romance. Even old boring listless folks may have seen a sparkle after that!

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4. Padma sent me this. She’s a mom and well and deeply sunk into marriage and boredom, but she says the best part of her day comes with the look in her husband’s eyes when she jumps with joy watching movies and she loves movies! Go figure :-)

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5. Hugh as he goes by told me that every love, no matter what kind grows only when you feed it. Love is work, but worth it, but you gotta feed it! So there. Food for thought?

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6. As silly as this sounds, it’s the smallest things that matter in a relationship. SS is a blog reader and she always always sends me a short mail when a post speaks to her. She said, that her brother mentioned this of his wife of 18 years. He said that she was the happiest when he left the last piece of cake/bread for her, which of course gets ultimately shared between them, but the fact that he tells her “it’s for you” or “I saved this for you” gets a crazy wild and happy sparkle in her eyes and it just makes him so happy seeing her like that.

One collective huge aw. No? :)

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7. Cold winters are a nightmare. Just by doing this alone scores tremendous brownie points in my book and looks like in her book too! It’s always the smallest things. :-)

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8. Z, a twitter buddy sent this out and I realized how both the emotions were equally important! It’s not enough to love a man, but it’s important to like him enough to sustain that love. No? I think so. People don’t give “like” part of their relationship enough value. and no, they are not the same, and one may evolve into the other, but retaining the like is so much more valuable for longer and happier relationships, in my book at least.

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9. THIS is how SG’s husband convinced her to marry him. By telling her to be practical and wise and accept his proposal coz he surely loved her more and to marry someone who loves you a lot more is a sure way to a happy fabulous life. ;-)

Smart man. Wise woman. Happily married with two kids and they are a joy to watch, even in pictures!

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10. M on twitter mentioned this, and I had to google it, and well, it is a proposal in a book where two high-brow characters propose and accept to get married. Romantic enough words? Latin is romantic? I still prefer French and their rolling r’s but hey, I’ll take Latin! :)

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11. What a line. Simple and seemingly obvious on the archaic, permissions, it speaks of gallantry and elegance in the tradition of romance and tenderness. <3

Z sent this one in too, and there is an old-world charm that will never go out of style. Nope.

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12. KR from twitter sent me this as part of his post, on his interpretation of love. It is true isn’t it though? Love is an emotion that entertains and graces one who let’s it go. Who is not tethered down by fears and insecurities and to just allow the emotion to consume you, take you in. It’s very neat in fact. :) IMG_1565

13. AK said this to his best friend. During courtship and a perfectly romantic period in his and her life, where every line and word spoken between them meant something more than just words, and the smiles they shared between the letters and the unsaids that echoed the thoughts that synchronized and rang in harmony.

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***

There is beauty in love, camaraderie and friendship.

There is love even there isn’t seen by the naked eye. Sometimes, like the unseen sea breeze, it can only be felt, at times it’s like the tempest. Like the wind, it can only be felt, but not seen. When it can be seen, it’s almost always disguised to the naked eye.

When it is raw, it is beautiful. Stark and plain beautiful. So gorgeous it can overwhelm you from within and exhaust you and leave you breathless. Like me, now.

***

All tiles done in Parable app. It’s like Noteography app, and has some ways to go to make it more social and interactive within the ecosphere, but it’s cute as is. Try it maybe? (nope, they didn’t pay me to say it, just a friendly recommendation)

I no longer have patience

Of late, I have been reading voraciously. Just over the past few days, and exclusively on my phone. I used to not prefer that till last Thursday. I would mail in the material to myself and re-read it later on the laptop. Thursday, my laptop died. It refused to charge and it stayed dead. It was Saturday before I could take it to Best Buy and now Monday, before the Apple engineer restored it back up.
I didn’t miss it too much. I thought I would. Folks chalked every little snap or annoyance or brooding moment that reflected off my face over the past days to the possible withdrawals I was having from not tapping away at the laptop. Strangely, I wasn’t. The immediate explanation would be that I had the phone anyway. But no, the phone couldn’t and wouldn’t replace the laptop in many way. I missed the laptop to write here on the blog/a few writing assignments I’d undertaken, and to go google search, and plotting my cycle routes and calculating distances. I missed those in that moment, but after that it was okay.
When I let it sink in, it actually feels good.
It felt; and Ive always known it somewhere deep inside my sub-conscious that I am above a lot of the seemingly thick bonds I develop. With the people around me, and with some special objects I value. I am sensitive and I can get emotionally vested in relationships and values and people, but somehow when push comes to shove, I detach and watch the whole scene happen in an almost surreal ethereal unfolding of the drama. I know what will happen. I know the motions. I can sense it all, feel it deeply and yet not react.
Yes, am strange that way.
It’s probably my defense mechanism.
We all do.
Self-reservation and defenses I mean.
So in all my readings (not books, but tons of some fine incisive interesting articles that have flooded my thinking) I come across this fabulous piece, as said by Meryl Streep. She couldn’t have said it better. The words are exact, unapologetic and echo almost to the exact sentiment what I go through.  What the now older, mature 40 year old me thinks. It comes with age, nothing to do with maturity, wisdom or experiences, as much as we would like to believe.
It’s all of the above that comes with age.
When you really cannot take any more nonsense, coz it has struck a gong deep in your brain. The inner chamber, that the clock is ticking. The gong sets off roughly some time after you hit that FOUR -OH!
It’s when it hits you that you’ve lived half your life, adult life even, and everyone knows that when you reach the halfway point, the other half is usually a slope down. You could still peak differently, but going by the premise that life is a full circle, we all become acutely aware that the clock is ticking, and loudly, so we cannot ignore it any more.
Then you start looking inward and start making you the center of you.
You realize you don’t need anyone to be you.
You don’t particularly care for any acceptances, coz that doesn’t define you in anyway.
..and so on, till you really just cannot and will not take any crap. I realize now when I look back I never did take crap, but I had mellowed over the years, (the roles we play subdue us becoz of our vulnerabilities) but then we snap back again, secure in the knowledge that age is on our side, despite it not looking like it is!
I read this a few times. Twice aloud. When you read a written piece aloud, it sounds and rings strong and true. Try it sometime, you will realize. It’s the sound of your voice that your brain hears, affirmation so to speak.
Meryl Streep:
“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature.
I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise.
I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement.
Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”
Am not completely there yet, but I am nodding my head to what looks familiar, and almost everything is familiar. In varying degrees.
I have no patience.
Must live life like a droplet on the lotus leaf. There but not there. The luxury of freedom.

a wish

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

― Bob Marley