You’d think going away for a weekend would be awesome, great and fabulous. Does wonders for your system unwinding and giving everyone a break from you while you are of course thoroughly and secretly convinced that YOU are the one getting break.
It’s probably as easy as throw a few shirts in, a pair of jeans, one pair of all-weather shoes, and sit behind that wheel and take off?
It gets very complicated and very quickly. How you ask? Like so:
- You go to the closet and realize you don’t have a single piece of clothing worthy of the trip
- You plot with a girlfriend and go store hopping for that perfect long sleeved tee that you will not find!
- You then reverse engineer a list of things to take and go coz well, its cold and yet its sunny and you are in a cabin where there is a good chance of a bear bursting in at night for the protein bar you stole in coz you were paranoid that you will die if you don’t stock up enough on them protein bars!
- Find protein bars to take on your trip
- You skip spinning class at 4.30 pm coz you realize that to-do list in your head just scared you enough to sweat bullets. Who needs aerobics?
- The dirty dishes start to call you softly from the messy and you continue to ignore them, hoping the husband will come in and rescue them, you really HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO OK?
- Write a post on how much you are panicking, coz otherwise how will the world know that you are panicking? DUH?!
- Cuddle and coo sweet nothings to your dog, coz I mean, who can ignore those adorable brown eyes boring holes into your heart?!
- You write short stressful emails to your “boss” and hope he says “It’s fine, that can wait” which he does and you do a not-that cute version of this:
- You look at that laundry pile and curse Eve for this whole clothing fiasco. I mean, if she didn’t care for covering, imagine how peaceful all our lives would be? Right?
- You make ginger chai and console yourself that chai is good for de-stressing and calming the nerves, and once that cup is done, you will make energizer bunny look like a tortoise. Take that you hare!
- You vent with another friend on the state (or the lack thereof) of the dance that the group will hopefully still perform on December 7th.
- You potter to the basement in search of your little overnight bag and get lost in some nostalgia. You discover the bag and then realize that no way in hell is that going to be able to fit all that you want to take to the forest! A girl needs her accessories and her matching shoes and Plan B and Plan C and Plan D – just in case. Right?
- You start drafting that weekend schedule to the husband with explicit directions so that they have a smooth weekend without YOU. Coz after all, you are important, and a Ms. Know-it-all and how would they otherwise survive?
- You then flit to the fact that you promised a post a day on your blog and that would mean that you have to schedule two posts, or worse three – coz I mean, what if I break a leg or worse lose my mind at the forest, and then wonder in the remote possibility that you do come back sane, where would you find the time to WRITE those posts?
- You dream about standing on one foot for minutes together by Saturday nightfall, as you find inner peace and strength and wisdom coz well, you are going to a YOGA Retreat!
- You realize with a start that your absence only means that the husband has to chauffeur the kid to various activities. Woefully realize she cannot do as many as she can, coz well, the husband is most definitely not as capable as you are to multitask and drive like a maniac across town in 15 minutes.
- You convince the kid that it’s OKAY to miss one activity and watch as she falls down on the floor like a drama queen and you stifle a chuckle to look busy folding the laundry.
- You plug your ears coz the dog has discovered its soulmate in the cat across the street and there is some intense high pitched love-fest going on at the door.
- You shut the post you write and get cracking coz those chores are not going to get done by themselves.
Apparently Bill Gates said “life is unfair, get used to it” – God has been kind that He never allowed us and will never allow us to cross paths. Coz well, I don’t care if he is Gates, but that doesn’t so give him any right to shatter my heart by speaking the bloody truth. Okay? Ok.