on demand

When I started writing way back in 2005, it was mostly driven by my need to spend time recording, using this space as a sounding board and wanting some me-time from the drudgery and mundane life of a stay at home mom. The writing has changed over the years in clarity, thoughts and my personality seeping through differently based on how much aware I got on who the audience got. Sometimes I didn’t care and at other times it mattered.

The topics have been pretty much on whatever struck my fancy. There wasn’t any structure, rhyme or rhythm. Free-spirited as any long time reader would vouch for. The randomness of topics and the extent at which I can run with something really innocuous as a typo or an incident that wouldn’t be awared much of a thought in an average woman’s life. I say this with a smile, coz I have at times amazed myself as to what I can do with a small thought. I am not smug about the fact, and in fact it borders on being ridiculous. I am told it’s perhaps an art. That I can create substance out of very little. It’s all good. Then again, our brain is a monkey.

Some of us have the luxury of being steady. To stay focused, with blinders on. Passionate about that one thing that ticks you and you go gung ho digging deep into it. Like foodbloggers, mommy bloggers, the gardeners, the techsters, gadgetfreaks. ..and then there are folks like me. a mixed bag.

I marvel and seriously am in awe of their dedication to blog about their mainstream thought and not succumb to their other wayward thoughts in writing.

In any case, now that I have rambled far and wide enough, the original thought on what I wanted to accomplish in the post was me and my not-so-targeted writing. Yeah. Not the nice little prompts that one can choose from,but more on the lines of “this is the topic, and you got to write on it* sorts. Like the kind SAT essays are made of.

Now *that* my friend is a hard task for me.

Not because am at a loss for words or thoughts. (I mean, unless its politics of extreme code of the crazy software kind, I have an opinion on everything else under the sun. I do have an opinion on those too, but then I can’t fill a writing piece just on expletives and blatant IDonnoWhatThHeckYouGuysAreGoingOnAbout.) The issue is to unravel the mess in my head and make it into a readable coherent piece is the challenge.

What I lack is focus. For the longest time, I’ve been telling myself I have ADD. Romanticizing the concept of  “Jane of all trades, master of none” concept. I have *finally* accepted the fact that ADD or not, I enjoy the luxury of varied interests and having the courage and inertia to experiment with what catches my fancy. I am also told, kindly, that very few of us are bestowed with such liberties. I for one, believe that. To not wallow in self-pity, guilt and remorse on the choices one makes of their life is indeed a blessing.

That said however, the mind indeed aspires for what it has still not achieved in its own scale.

That is why this post exists. To assert and hope that I will be able to stick with a topic that is given to me and do justice to it. Not succumb for my distracted mind, with its whims and responsibilities alike, stay focused and relevant to the topic or issue in hand.

I’ll understand if you *shakeYourHead* at me and walk away. We all fight our own battles of expectations.