smoked out

I’ve previously aired my grievances on lying here. This time it is not about the act of lying itself, but the complete irrelevance to being found out that one is a liar.

Now, am no saint, and I have indulged in the reasonable allowed share of white lies. Running late for a party and I conveniently shift it on to the kids or the GPS or a phone call from someplace etc. Hosts are placated and all’s well in all lands.

Regardless on the kind of lie, the white lie, the blatant one, the bare-faced lie or the contextual one , I don’t know about you, but the premise I have grown up with is – “Don’t get caught!” It’s calling “one’s bluff”, or “caught with hand in the cookie jar”, and the like, where the result of such deviation is a “repercussion”. Such repercussions lead to hurt and betrayal on the one lied to, and there is a certain amount of trust lost.

Punishments, karma and paybacks are all irrelevant at this point.

This continues on the premise that:

The person who lies, should for all practical intent would NOT want to hurt, betray, or lose the trust placed on him/her, IF there is value to be placed in the relationship or if one has something to LOSE when smoked out.

The corollary thus follows that:

If the relationship is of NO value or if one has NOTHING to lose, lying is easier, and one does not care on being found out that he/she has been blatantly lying in the situation.

To me it’s downright unethical and very shocking. Jarring my senses as it sinks in me more and more that the world has a sufficient number of such folks. For a long time I’ve remained sheltered, surrounded by people who were good in their heart, mind and soul. Their actions always kind, helpful and never to be crossed with, with space given to grow and be oneself, and respected for what you brought with you, regarded for what you gave uninhibitedly and without pre-set expectations. Too good to be true is what I now think when  think back, but it did exist. It still does.

Except that I now feel corrupt, tainted and soiled. Not because of my own actions, but because I have been exposed to the unscrupulous and the selfish. Makes me shrink, coil and hide. To protect the beaten heart that I own. The heart and faith of the child-woman that I am proud to be.

Now, it should go on record that the woman in me maintains a sane head for the most part and situations. It kicks in when it needs to, it stays strong and resilient and it thrives, pushes and beats all odds, and the recent year has been testimony to it. Sometimes, when the woman is not on guard and when it needs to rest, the child peeks out. The child, as most children are, is vulnerable, trusts easy and doesn’t see beyond of what’s shown to her. The dirty guile, the lies, the snickers and the disguises, are all far beyond the comprehension and sight of the happy carefree child. The child is also in carefree abundance in company that has allowed her to be so. To go ahead and build a bond with persons whom it likes, relates and allows her to skip and laugh without holding back.

When that person turns and walks away, the child is hurt, rejected. The more times the child gets rejected, the more hurt, shrunk and hidden it gets. Till one day, it ceases to be a child anymore.

The woman is okay. She will regret the death of that child, and mourn for it, but she will be okay. She sees things the dirty, soiled and harsh way they are.

..and for some insane reason, this song (takena  bit out of context of course) kept circling my head. The lies. It’s always the lies.

Remember Twain said “The more I know about people, the better I like my dog” ?

I need that dog. My birthday comes in February. It’s a milestone birthday too. I’d like a cute little pup as a gift please, thank you.

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7 thoughts on “smoked out

  1. Again why waste your time in typing, thoughts, feelings on people who are not worth it? :–(
    fill your mind with happy thoughts and people who really matter.
    For each ONE person who hurts you I am sure there are TEN that make you feel good!

    And also yes, dogs are awesome! :–D

  2. Stumpled upon your blog via comments in Hawkeye. You seem to be a Tam from Hyd types. Whoa I have my cousin, Radhika- Tam from Hyd, who is in the US now. Too much of a coincidence, unless you are that Radhika!

    -Rajeev

  3. All: It is what it is. There is a mourning period for each depending on the value we have placed for each in our lives. It ends accordingly.

    SK: :-)

    Labakku: You have me reversed. I am a telugu raised in madras, so no, am not your cousin. :)

    • Haha ok. For a Telugu raised in madras, your Telugu is super! From what I have seen, the normal telugu junta from Madras speak horrible Telugu. Like “Bayangara work undi nanna”. On the same lines, Tam junta from Hyd murder Tamil similarly. I have many cousins in Hyd who speak like ” avanuku gunde dhairyam romba jaasti”. As a Tam from Hyd, I echo your sentiments on being asked Gulti or Madrasi – I take the other side when one side is being bashed :D

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