wanted

Originally posted in my WP site, and for some reason this fable didn’t come through here when I migrated. Adding in the comments from that site as 1 large piece.

***

Wanted:

She had wailed, “I so badly need one” on her face book-twitter status message.

One tweeted back saying “Check Amazon, they have it all.”
One emailed her “O, eBay absolutely!”
Another said, “Have you tried Craigslist? I love that place, you can get it all, and the people are so nice!”

So she took all of their suggestions and searched. Amazon came close, but the vendor wasn’t up for giving. She checked eBay; it was all business and crass. Craigslist was too restrictive.

“Oh, nothing? That’s funny. Why don’t you advertise?” asked one flippantly.

Interestingly, she observed, no one had really asked her for specifics. Deciding to take matters into her own hands, she tied her hair up, crossed her legs, pursed her lips, opened up her laptop and started typing furiously. Ever so slightly pausing to take a sip of some green tea, and occasionally closing her eyes to frame her thoughts, she carefully chose her words.

***

Post Entry:

An understated elegant young lady seeks a friend and companion who would be willing to enter into a relationship, and asks,

“Is there someone who’d like to spend some quality time with me?”

***

Statistics showed that the ad was read at least a hundred times a day. Emails poured in. It was interesting on how the word “relationship” was interpreted differently by each. Most however offered only physical activities of kinds she didn’t know existed. After deleting a few hundred of these, she wondered: If she had wanted sex, she would have used the word and be done with it. The word she used – relationship – must have confused the poor things.

Not the one to give up easily, she thought again. In an effort to also elaborate and make clear to the reader and especially not to confuse the average man, she updated her entry:

***

Post Entry:

An understated elegant young lady seeks a friend and companion

Expectations:

Spend a minimum of 15 and a maximum of 60 minutes with her on three of the five weekdays.

Of lesser importance but would be nice to have:

1. To reply to her emails quick enough to assure her and indulge her vanity.
2. To listen to her talk, laugh, weep and vent with care and fondness.
3. To show affection in small ways, as in holding hands, an endearment, hug, and perhaps treat her to a much needed ice cream to buoy her spirits.
4. To speak gently and not read more into her words than necessary.
5. To show enthusiasm, laugh, act silly and be goofy with her.
6. To treat her mind, thought and body with respect and affection, and acknowledge her as a sexy, beautiful, smart woman.
7. To be witty, intelligent, smart and spar with her on words, literature, movies and art.
8. To give her the time, priority and attention she deserves.
9. To be a willing open learner and partner with no pretensions and attitudes.
10. To be a creative, artistic and an engaging team player.

In return for:

1. Giggles, laughs, and good-natured humor.
2. Witty repartee, intellectual banter and rational discussions on words, literature, movies and art.
3. Various snacks of different cuisines homemade from scratch.
4. A book and movie partner of the genre chosen by the other.
5. A warm touch, hugs and a perceptive confidant.
6. Sensible, mature, logical, and adult conversations with no melodrama or tantrums.
7. Creative and fun entertainment sure to surprise the other, including be a model for all artwork.
8. Stimulation and encouragement, as a motivator with a never say never attitude.
9. Unwavering attention towards all ideas weird and strange.
10. Respect, thought and consideration for what the other believes in.

Thank you.

***

Time.
Time was a challenge.
Time would always be her Achilles heel.

Her inbox has been empty ever since.

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14 thoughts on “wanted

  1. 10 Responses to 'wanted'

    1.
    Sex appears to be easier to give for folks than using those 5 minutes for a few hearlfelt laughs! Man! the world is too busy….
    Madhu
    14 Nov 08 at 12:44 pm

    2.
    Rads: Impressive. Irony seeps through every passage! By the way no.8 on the first list actually covers every other item :)
    Madhu: Actually “dumb” is the word, if you ask me. The world tends to go toward the lowest common denominator. The known pleasures (physical) are easily mastered from the various texts while any talk of the unknown (non physical) is considered mental :)
    superstarksa
    14 Nov 08 at 3:13 pm

    3.
    Anantha: Thanks.
    Point 8 is how I originally gisted it down to. :)
    Madhu: ah well, folks have their priorities in order. Nothing wrong with that. As long as people know what is it they exactly want, we can’t afford to pull the judgmental tone on them.

    rads
    14 Nov 08 at 4:24 pm

    4.
    Brilliant!
    naren
    15 Nov 08 at 7:41 am

    5.
    Understated elegant young lady.
    I am wondering what all that means.
    Adithya
    15 Nov 08 at 9:12 am

    6.
    Gotcha!
    Sema superb!
    CW
    15 Nov 08 at 10:19 pm

    7.
    so finding a nice friend is difficult now?
    La Vida Loca
    16 Nov 08 at 1:58 pm

    8.
    Oooh… cynical! :)
    shyam
    16 Nov 08 at 4:32 pm

    9.
    shyam: :)
    la vida: Of course it is! Especially if one is picky and knows EXACTLY what one wants.
    CW: lol :)
    Adithya: You will once you meet such a lady :)
    Naren: :)

    rads
    17 Nov 08 at 10:39 am

    10.
    Brilliant! Bookmarked!
    Laksh
    17 Nov 08 at 11:47 am

  2. I thought I hadn't commented on this, but I see that I have put in my usual perceptive comment. Nothing more to say, except that Test Match cricket will always find favor with the purists, in spite of the dull draws that you see all the time.

  3. That was a good read. Thanks.
    I run the risk of being unconventional, but what the heck, I AM unconventional!! What I think, takes it away, what makes the story stand higher than it could possibily stand, and what makes it all more subtle and a pleasure to read is the one line: "Ever so slightly pausing to take a sip of some green tea…" It just gives the 'other' dimension to it that keeps you reading till the end.

    • Good point. I suppose, every person goes through a patch in her life when there is a need for a companion. That's a void that cannot be filled by our own self right?

  4. her inbox would be empty because Time is a challenge :P No one will find the time to go through such a long expectation list

    ctrl-shift-del the boring lady's request with the big words

    :P

  5. LOL@ctrlshiftdel :) That's the obvious view. I suppose I was going more on the lines of her wants and needs and how the world is just too busy, but hey this works too! :)

  6. I have never commented before but your stories finally are making me.

    B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L !

    wat the elegant young lady wants are simple and basic…but alas the world doesnt think so !

    • Thanks Manjusha for taking the time :) Sometimes I think there's truth to the saying – Aim for the stars you may land on the treetops. Expectations and all that…

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