phatak

Ever slapped someone? Like giving them one resounding thappad? A tight slap. Kinda icky right? I mean, I can’t take violence of any sort, but there are times when I have felt a slap is well deserved.

I’ve elbowed and stamped and kicked shins onto overbearing middle-aged creeps and the romeos alike, in buses and crowded areas back in India, but slap, now that somehow I haven’t. Though was quite tempted after seeing one too many bollywood movies showing the satisfaction on a woman’s face when she does. Of course the repercussions are horrid and let’s not even go there!

The very first time I saw a slap in real life was a maid who lived in the backyard of our neighbor’s getting one from her husband first thing in the morning. I think I was busily trying learn some physics laws by rote. It’s a vivid scene etched in my mind. Mom said it was the jerk who abused her after coming home drunk. No surprise there right? For anyone raised in India, this doesn’t come as a shocker. For a fairly long time I stood on the terrace at home and balled my fists, wishing she’d kick him back. She wouldn’t. She’d shout back but wouldn’t raise a hand. This went on for awhile.
One fine dusky evening, the guy walked in hurling abuses at her, obviously quite drunk. She was sitting there feeding the kids. Guy kicks her. She gets back, asks for her kids to go in, takes the broom next to her and thwacks the living daylights out of him. I had a smile on my face. I can’t imagine I smiled and felt happy, but I did.

When one has lived a considerable time outside of India, there are many distasteful scenes, habits and visuals that one lets fade into the background. It goes so far back into the recesses of your brain, that when one does encounter them again, it brings with it a strong reaction. So strongly allergic that it could even border on being alien in how it is perceived.

Take This!

For example, last week I saw a slap and I laughed. As in guffawed, loudly. It was just supremely funny. I know, am so bad. I then chided myself for that and said a little prayer for the fellow.

A few days ago, I was driving along my favorite parkway to work. I hate driving behind large trucks and pretty much anything big enough to block my view. A curse being a “soccer mom” with a large rumbling Honda Odyssey that Ive driven for a good many years. Now stuck on the ground feeling like a rat between the elephants charging alongside of me in my Acura, am always skirting around, between trying very hard to get ahead, and cursing my lilliput self every now and then.

I turn my head to change lanes, and I see a slower moving jazzy BMW. I say ‘ooh’ and I catch sight of the guy. ooo, candy alert! So I slow down as I have to wait for him to get ahead of me. He has a hot looking blonde babe next to him. She’s got a paper in her hand and was looking down intently. I look ahead and just as they catch up alongside of me, I look again.

Phatak.

Just like that! She slaps him right there! On his left cheek, across the seats, with her right hand flying, turned to his side. I couldn’t see her face, but I saw his. He said ‘fcuk’ – I could read his lips and expression and with one hand on his cheek and the other on the wheel screeched onto the left lane and braked.

I looked on shocked. As I sped past crossing the lights, I burst into a giggling fit. Like I’d just seen a flying pink baby elephant in a tutu. I think back and I can laugh yet again.

I do feel a bit sorry for the guy, but I sure hope for his sakes, he deserved it. If not, me laughing would just make me cruel.

Gradwolf later reminded me of SRK and Preity Zinta’s slap in KANK. I can’t find the video online, but I remember that slap. O boy, wasn’t it awesome? SRK’s character so sucked, he totally deserved it! Anyone recollect any other fine slappings in Bollywood/movies? It don’t matter who got slapped, but more like ‘was it a deserving slap’ ?

Added on for effect: I truly have endearing, supportive readers. Baphomet sends me this link! Enjoy some fine slaps!

The sound of a slap! 

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25 thoughts on “phatak

  1. I’ve been slapped on numerous occasions by my Mum, and once by a girl. But the most memorable slap etched in my memory was the one that a rich Benz-driving gounder gave to a motorcycle rider for parking his bike in a way that prevented the car from being pulled out of parallel park. This was in Banglore. A crowd gathered. Clearly the gounder had over-reacted. But then everybody started beating up the poor motor-bike rider. Talk about sucking up to the rich.

  2. I’ve never slapped anyone though there might have been a few I received in school(teachers). I’ve never seen men slap anyone, and it’s a womans second most potent weapon next to kicking in the nuts.

    For me its a tight-fisted punch just below the ribs. works liek magic!

  3. I slapped someone once. Rest assured he deserved it. Most enjoyable sensation in the world. :-)

    I agree, when one lives for a considerable period of time outside of India, once tends to supress the distasteful. Like watching… no perhaps I will let that sleeping memory lie.

    Priya.

  4. Adithya: O, okay, all that twittering’s merging lines and nicks alike!
    Nee chamathhu, why’d any girl slap you :P

    Priya: haha, o am sure. I once punched a guy too, and I was sooo happy. Of course after that I didn’t go that route at all.. :))

    max: I talk of that very same punch! The creep deserved it anyway.

    Baph: wow. Stree brawl eh? I can’t seem to have seen any. Argh. Though, am quite sure I must’ve!

  5. The one and only time I’ve ever been on the receiving end of a slap is when this horrible woman who was the classteacher next door came in and ticked us off for making too much noise. I wasn’t even responsible for it, but I was sitting nearest the door and I guess I didn’t look up too sharp or something coz the next thing I knew, she’d given me one across the face. I was nine and eternal enmity was declared that day! Later, I found out that was how she functioned – why do miserable people teach?

    On the other hand, I have slapped a few times – usually when someone grabs my ass and once when someone said something. But the person I really wish I could slap is that miserable old woman who’s probably still terrorizing little children.

  6. baanchan.. eppudu chempa debbal tinlE, koTTale.. chooDalE kooDa ankunTa.. koTlaaTal mastuga chooshna gani chempa debbal eppuDu soolle.

    parantu, chempa debbal anangane renDu sinmaa paaTal gurtocchinai

    “abba nee teeyani debba” from “gatilEni veeruDu matilEni sundari” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76ZVDoeYQpo (the song has the full blooded chempa debba in it too :D)

    “chempa debba ammaayi chEti debba” from “vaarasuDocchaaDu” (could not find youtube link-u.. will send mp3)

    both IR songs!!

  7. Nenosaari Train lo okadini dokkalo thanna pichi veshalesthunte :evil: habba entha santhosamga anipinchindo :lol:
    And I was once slapped by our telugu teacher…..assembly lo andaroo janagana mana paaduthonte nenoo, naa classmate kottukuntunnam :cry:

  8. Apple: LOL. I knoww! The punch in the ribs is most satisfying. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with the strength we actually have :)
    lol@telugu teacher. Aw :)

    DeitaDi: Why leave me half burning with jealousy? Complete it. Tell me what song, send me the taped version of it from the concert. SMS, linkulu challadee? :p

    Sridevi and Chiru song is ultimatrocious, for various reasons :)

    Amrita: hehe@grabbing ass. Yep, so have I. Punched the fella I mean.
    Soem teachers are just plain terrible. Thankfully we had no hit policy at school, that did’nt stop my 2nd grade teacher from rapping my knuckles. o, how I hate her! :|

  9. I made a perfectly tuned kettle-drum for my teachers! They were quite generous in their slaps and back-breaking thuds, for the kind of mischief-monger that I was! But I somehow evaded girls, Thank God! But one of my classmates in 10th got one tight phataak from a girl in front of the whole class and was conferred a bonus title of ‘You B@$t@#%” and some more decadent Telugu swear-words!

  10. Thankfully never experienced ouside home :D. Witnessed several in school, the physical instructor had this habit of slapping students for the silliest of reasons like unclean shoes, untrimmed nails, uncombed hair.

  11. Praveen: Ah! You are a good boy arent u ? :)

    Pavan: LOL. I know! I saw that.. the female so deserved it! :D

    Stitha: aw@kettle drum!
    That’s strange tho.. u were a brat with teachers and not with girls. Kinda hard to believe :p

    deita di: So not fair! *sulk
    :p

  12. Hilarious! I’ve witnessed a few *Phatak* incidents in med school… needless to say the guy “generally” deserved it.
    Always made me laugh!
    Thankfully never been at the giving / receiving end of the dreaded *Phatak…. except once in school by my hindi teacher!
    She had a bad habit of whacking the daylights of any guy who couldnt answer! Sad!

  13. Who said I wasn’t a brat with girls, I just never got caught! :P The first day in school, in kindergarten, I befriended, and also made enemies with a girl in class and expressed my anger by biting her on the arm! bwuhahahahahaha…..I have more stories like this!!

  14. Here’s a pearl of wisdom I read on someone’s tee shirt. “Remember, as you go through life, it is important to smell the flowers. It takes 72 muscles to frown but only 4 muscles to extend your hand and slap the asshole in the face”

  15. Slapping comes lot easy to me, though it has never been used on any perpetrators of a crime, I used it in fights with friends when I was younger.

    My friend on the receiving end says, since it hardly leaves any marks, the slapped ones get less sympathy, while the pinched ones get more:)

    Ps: Listening to you and AMrita makes me wonder, why the hell did I not don my vijayshanti avatar at such people and why the hell was I meek? On my next trip, I shall enter a PTC bus with a hockey stick and a safety pin in hand.

  16. Sachita: O You should’ve! Almost every girl who traveled public transport had some kind of a defense mechanism!
    Hockey stick’s sorta asking for attention, I’d use the safety pin, 2B pencils, geometry compass, hot lunch box. Usually jabs just work fine! :)

    naren: LOL :D

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