helpless

At some point in time most parents go through a patch when one feels that one has failed in that role. I feel that way now. There is a part of me that wants to forge ahead but hitting the brick wall with such shock and unseen force can do crazy stuff to a person’s morale.

If I have to blame it’s me. I’ve been too pre-occupied with myself over the past few months that I have essentially screwed up a future. Doubt I’d ever forgive myself. Doubt the kids would too. Once they are old and brave enough to tell me…

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17 thoughts on “helpless

  1. Rads a, screw up a? Konjam counter-intuitive.

    Kids and all dont remember anything. Cook some good food, buy some good ice-cream and take them to an R rated movie and they are happy!.

    Chill!

  2. Prestid: as ingrate I may seem, I am still a lil angry with the ‘rents about being a guinea pig of the family. ..and you know how history has a tendency to repeat itself?

    OK: ah well, no one’s perfect illiya? :)
    lol@R rated movie. Am having trouble as it is with the radio channels they listen to..

    BPSK: You’re right. I am hard on myself. One of those habits that u take with you to the grave sorts..

  3. chill, you are human, no super-woman (wait, this doesnt sound well, but you get the gist).. they would empathize with you (rather than hold you accountable) once they grow up and undergo similar scenarios..

    just make sure that when you rent the movie, it has subtitles and comes in widescreen format ;)

  4. Stay strong. For all you know, he/she might come up to you one day in the future and thank you for whatever happened.
    Now go mix a lychee martini and stare at the stars from the deck :D

  5. CW: lol, yea, I am beginning to hold onto that hope, and drink :–)

    SK: O, usual mommy angst. Shall spare you till you experience it first hand. Being mom I mean ;–p

    Pavan: LOL@subtitles. Will do :–)

  6. At the risk of sounding like a Hollywood yes-man, I will agree with OK and BPSK. Kids are extremely resilient.

    My philosophy is modelled on a chilled out uncle whose motto was “barso, khoob barso, lekin meri khaat chhod ke barso”. Even a Mumbaikar can understand that. Thus, I follow the laissez faire policy and as far as I can see, the kids are doing alright, despite the decided disadvantage of carrying MY genes. (The missus of course feels that HER genes are so good that they have more than compensated. There may be something in that)

  7. They will thank you later on ;-)
    Seems like they are getting younger and younger when they start getting interested in adult things. You are responsible only until they are 11 or 12. After that, it is their fault if they mess up ;-)

  8. I’m sure you’re being too hard on yourself–the kids don’t need a supermom–just a mom. Knowing that mom can make mistakes too gives them a fillip, believe me! I was unnerved when my nearly grown-up kid told me she used to be in awe of me–I never wanted that!

  9. CV: Nice of you to comment. I know exactly what you mean, it’s the pressure of having to continue to live up to expectations. It’s good that they see the real us, however dented we are :–)

    Lakshmi: lol, totally eh? ;–P

    Muni: lol, I sure hope so! The middle school prinicpal tells us that it’s proven scientifically that a human brain isn’t completely ready for decisions till they turn 20. That’s huge ammunition for us parents. ;–)

    Naren: LOL@barso :–)
    They all do alright, eventually I suppose. I mean, to think that Ive turned out “okay” despite it all, sure gives me hope.
    Your missus is right?! ;–)

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